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The Bottom Line of Youth Ministry: Fostering Self-Esteem

Review Essay

The Story Is in the Telling

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Schaper, Donna E. Raising Interfaith Children: Spiritual Orphans or Spiritual Heirs?

New and Noteworthy

Leckey: Blessings All Around Us: Savoring God's Gifts
Knight: Living God's Word: Reflections on the Weekly Gospels—Year B
Davis: Don't Know Much About the Bible: Everything You Need to Know
About the Good Book but Never Learned
Deats: Martin Luther King, Jr.: Spirit-Led Prophet
Costello: A Prayerbook for Catechists
Ayer: Guided Meditations on Images of God: Mother, Potter, Compassion, Love
Farry: A Single Mother's Prayerbook
Koch: A Popular History of the Catholic Church
O'Donnell: A Faith You Can Live With: Understanding the Basics
Kaster: Parish Faith Formation Assessment and Planning Tool
Canon Law Society of America: Code of Canon Law: Latin-English
Edition (New English Translation)
Halton: The Human Couple in the Fathers
Fodor's Travel Publications: Fodor's Holy Rome: A Millennium Guide to the Christian Sights

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Editor's Forward

(This is the Editor's Foreword by Berard L. Marthaler from The Living Light Spring 2000, Vol. 36, No. 3. Subscribe to The Living Light.)

A Sign of Commitment, Fidelity, Unity, and Anticipation

The articles in this issue of The Living Light have a common theme. In one way or another, all suggest that catechesis for adults should help couples—those preparing for marriage and those already married—to reflect on marriage as a sacrament. Some years ago, Ronald Knox advanced the notion that marriage illustrates the sacramental principle better than any other rite, with the possible exception of eucharist. In its broadest sense, a sacrament is a visible sign of an invisible reality. The sacramental principle suggests that there is more to human actions and words than meets the eye and ear. At a conference on the sacraments, as reprinted in his book The Hidden Stream, Knox proposed that nothing better exemplifies this notion of sacrament than marriage, where the physical and natural witness to the spiritual and supernatural.

It was not by chance, he contends, that the Church's understanding of marriage is opposed by movements that attack the Christian vision of creation and life. At one extreme are the Manicheans and others in the gnostic tradition who hold that all matter is evil. They undermine the sacramental system based on the principle that the visible and tangible, the historical and social, mediate the presence of God in the world. For them, the idea that sexual intercourse might be a good is unthinkable. At the other extreme are crass materialists who question the sacramental character of marriage because they cannot recognize any dimension of reality not apparent to the senses. The best they can say for marriage is that it is a social institution established to ensure stable relationships and the perpetuation of the human species.

Nothing is more natural than the mating instinct in human beings. In the eyes of the casual observer, marriage is a human act, but the person of faith understands it to have a deeper meaning. The wedding vows, public statements of intent, commit the spouses to an unconditional sharing of their lives. The Bible dignifies marriage by using it to illustrate the lasting covenant between God and his people. The New Testament cites the relationship between Christ and his Church as the model for the relationship between husband and wife. The Epistle to the Ephesians, referencing Genesis, says that "for this reason a man shall leave [his] father and [his] mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh" (Eph 5:31). The sacrament of marriage affirms that human love and commits the spouses to accepting responsibility to and for one another and their offspring.

The New Testament uses marriage to illustrate other facets of Christ's mission in the world. Many texts in the Old Testament use a wedding feast to symbolize the messianic age (e.g., Is 54:4-8; 62:4-5). Fr. Raymond E. Brown's commentary on the Gospel of John explains that the dramatic gesture by which Jesus changed water into wine at the wedding feast of Cana signaled the beginning of a new era. Indeed, on several occasions, Jesus cited wedding customs to illustrate his teaching about the messianic kingdom. In the parable of the ten virgins, for example, he instructed his disciples to be patient in their watchfulness so as to be prepared for the coming of the bridegroom (Mt 25:1-12).

Eschatological expectation—waiting for the coming of the Lord—is an essential element of Christian life. The eucharist "proclaims the death of the Lord until he comes" (1 Cor 11:26), and the Church in turn regards the eucharist as the joyful anticipation of the wedding feast that a king prepared for his son (Mt 22:1-14; Lk 14:16-24). Weddings and eucharistic celebrations are festive occasions. They celebrate love: the love of Christ for his Church, the universal love of God for all people, and the love that bonds the members of Christ's body to one another. In bonding people to one another, marriage, like the eucharist, creates unity and thereby becomes an expression of what it signifies. Each of these sacraments, while in its own way bringing the kingdom into being, anticipates the coming of that kingdom when love will be boundless and ecstasy endless. §

Life Together: A Catechesis
of Marriage as Sacrament

[This excerpt is from the article Life Together: A Catechesis of Marriage as Sacrament, by Michael Lawler, The Living Light Spring 2000, Vol. 36, No. 3. Subscribe to The Living Light.]

Steps taken by a couple before marriage are an important key to the success of their marriage. A national study of marriage preparation conducted in 1995 by the Center for Marriage and Family at Creighton University showed that almost two-thirds (66.3 percent) of those who participated in marriage preparation programs found the experience valuable.¹ Marriage preparation should, therefore, receive the support of churches because it stabilizes and enhances marriage and family. There is, however, a caveat: The perceived value of marriage preparation was highest in the first year of marriage and diminished after that. The decrease becomes more rapid as the spouses pass their fourth anniversary. Marriage preparation has a restricted shelf-life and must be supported with booster shots as the years progress and the circumstances of the spouses change.

1. Center for Marriage and Family, Marriage Preparation in the Catholic Church: Getting it Right (Omaha, Neb.: Creighton University, 1995). For the marriage preparation of interchurch couples, see the center's Ministry to Interchurch Marriages: A National Study (Omaha, Neb.: Creighton University, 1999). Both publications may be ordered through the center's website: www.creighton.edu/MarriageandFamily.
   
2. Gerald C. Treacy, ed., Five Great Encyclicals (New York: Paulist, 1939), 83-4.
   
3. Acta Apostolicae Sedis 36 (1944), 103.
   
4. Acta Apostolicae Sedis 43 (1951), 848-849.
   
5. Additionally, there is the potential for confusion over the English translations of the official council documents currently in vogue. The Latin text reads: "Ita actu humano, quo coniuges sese mutuo tradunt atque accipiunt. . ." (GS, no. 48). The two principal English translators of the conciliar texts, Walter Abbott and Austin Flannery, give two different renderings of the consensual terms. Abbott's translation reads "bestow and accept," while Flannery uses the phrase "mutual surrender." I would render the Latin as follows: "The human action in which spouses give themselves to each other and accept each other. . . ."
   
6. Cf. Michael G. Lawler, Symbol and Sacrament: A Contemporary Sacramental Theology (Omaha, Neb.: Creighton University, 1995), 29-34.

Marriage Preparation Programs:
Are They Working?

(This excerpt is from the article "Marriage Preparation Programs: Are They Working?" by Robert Ruhnke, The Living Light Spring 2000, Vol. 36, No. 3. Subscribe to The Living Light.)

Any polling of pastors and parochial ministers about important pastoral needs is likely to reveal that marriage preparation is extremely important. The pastor and parish staff commonly give considerable attention to couples preparing for Christian marriage. New programs claiming to be the best way to assist couples appear with some regularity. As we evaluate the various programs and approaches to marriage preparation now available, the rather brief history of this ministry is worth recalling.

1. FOCCUS (and similar programs). FOCCUS (Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding, and Study) is a series of questions to which each person answers "agree," "disagree," or "unsure." The results of the survey are shared with the couple under the guidance of a facilitator. The goal is to highlight potential areas of weakness and encourage the couple to develop more effective ways of relating.
   
2. "Engaged Encounter" (and similar programs). Engaged En-counter is a weekend retreat led by married couples who share their own stories and struggles of learning how to live in a Christian marriage. The goal is to provide real-life examples of how marriage can be done, as well as time for the engaged couple to do private sharing and planning free of the normal distractions of daily life.
   
3. "Sponsor Couple Program" (and similar programs). The Sponsor Couple Program is a mentor process. The couple preparing for marriage first does their homework. They study the meaning of Christian marriage and the skills such a marriage will require. Then they meet with their "sponsors" in the home of the sponsor couple. This provides an opportunity for the sponsor couple to use their own experiences to affirm, coach, and even challenge the engaged couple to learn and practice more effective marriage skills.

1. Periodic pulpit announcements and weekly bulletin notices. Information from the pulpit by the pastor is a proven method of announcing and establishing new policies. In addition, the information can be printed in the bulletin as a weekly reminder: "Anyone who is even remotely thinking about marriage is encouraged to contact the parish office for a special packet of information. Please obtain this packet before you decide to get engaged!"⁴ Couples needing this information may not be regular churchgoers, so the goal is to inform family and friends, who can pass it on to couples they know. Parish secretaries can refer incoming calls about marriage to the pastor (or another person trained for this responsibility).
   
2. Information Session: Preparing for Marriage. Parishes can provide evening sessions as often as needed. Single persons, dating couples, and engaged couples can be invited to a presentation of information about preparing for marriage in the Catholic Church, and such presentations present an opportunity for them to ask any questions.
   
3. Publish helpful websites in the parish bulletin. This is a strategy for encouraging personal initiative and responsibility. One site that such a list could include is www.marriagepreparation.com, which offers information about marriage preparation and one's freedom to marry in the Catholic Church, and provides e-mail access to a pastoral minister who will answer personal questions about marriage preparation.§

1. Cf. Center for Marriage and Family, Marriage Preparation in the Catholic Church: Getting it Right (Omaha, Neb.: Creighton University, 1995).
   
2. The FOCCUS (or similar) instrument is typically used to help with this assessment process.
   
3. There is a general impression that couples marrying in the Church today are doing better than the national average of 50 percent divorce rate. However, too many variables make it difficult to conclude that it is the programs themselves that are making this positive difference.
   
4. A packet designed by this author, For Better and For Ever, can be mailed to the person or couple who needs it (or perhaps a parent or friend of the prospective bride and groom) by contacting Rev. Robert A. Ruhnke, CSSR, Marriage Preparation Resources, 1617 Iowa Street, San Antonio, TX 78203; phone (210) 534-1129; or on the web at www.marriagepreparation.com.
   
5. Ibid.

Interchurch Families and the Quest for Unity

(This excerpt is from the article Interchurch Families and the Quest for Unity by Ray and Fenella Temmerman, The Living Light Spring 2000, Vol. 36, No. 3. Subscribe to The Living Light.]

When a man and a woman from two different Christian traditions fall in love and decide to marry, they begin the long journey of learning to live the unity of their love in the face of the scandal of the divided churches. Fenella and I embarked on such a journey eight years ago. We have found that the tensions caused by church division impact our daily lives, most clearly at the important celebrations—that is, marriage, baptism, confirmation of children, and above all eucharist, where the consequences of the scandal of separation are felt weekly.

Fenella was living in London at the time of our marriage. We made our home in a small community in the center of Canada and began worshiping together in the Catholic Church. I was already deeply involved in the Church, and Fenella was beginning to discover there a depth of liturgy and spirituality with which she felt comfortable. Additionally, Fenella's Anglican pastor suggested that it was more important that we worship together than that she worship in the Anglican tradition. We invited our Catholic pastor over for supper to talk about worship in the Catholic Church and especially about receiving the eucharist, something very important to both of us. His response was heartwarming: "Canonically this presents difficulties, but we need to deal with it on a pastoral level." As we had committed ourselves to living in the community for five years, he welcomed Fenella to participate in and receive communion for that period of time, by the end of which, he suggested, she should be able to discern where she wanted to make her spiritual home.

Life went on peacefully for a time. Then came a change of priests. This new pastor had a very different understanding and approach, telling Fenella repeatedly in their first meeting that "You don't understand. You're not one of us." We found ourselves in turmoil, wondering how we would be received from Sunday to Sunday, discovering that we were being talked about at parish council meetings and more. We began to cast around for ways to make sense of our experience and in the process were put in touch with the Association of Interchurch Families in England. We subscribed to their publication, Interchurch Families,¹ and can remember bursting into tears as we read our first issue. Here were people around the world experiencing the same painful reality. We were no longer alone.

We were invited to Virginia Beach to attend the first international conference of interchurch families. There we met people from associations in England, Northern Ireland, France, and Italy. In addition, the Canadian and American Associations were formed at the conference. At the time, Fenella and I were living in a small Canadian community, miles away from any organized group, so we decided to use my computer skills and our new contacts to establish a website for interchurch families.² That site now contains materials from the long-established groups—the British Association of Interchurch Families, the French Foyers Mixtes, and the German Konfessionsverbindender Paare und Familien—each of which were formed more than thirty years ago. The newly formed groups are also represented on the site, with information and reports coming from Switzerland, Austria, Italy, Australia, Canada, and the United States.

Later, we also established an e-mail listserv,³ with participants from many more countries. Discussions on the listserve range far and wide: sharing joys, sorrows, and liturgical experiences of baptisms and weddings that celebrate the two traditions; discussing understandings and implications of canon law and its application; discussing the most recent significant statement, One Bread, One Body, published by the bishops' conferences of England, Ireland, and Wales⁴; and planning for the next international conference in Edmonton, Canada, in 2001.⁵ What began as a way for us to keep in touch with interchurch families has become a labor of love and a source of nourishment for ourselves and others throughout the world.

In the words of the British Association of Interchurch Families,

We are couples in which the partners are members of different churches. We have committed ourselves to one another in Christian marriage. Because we belong to different churches, our married unity in Christ has to be expressed within those divided churches. It may be, therefore, that our experience of growing together will be useful to our churches at this stage.⁶

When we compare the experience of a good marriage with the relationship between the churches, it raises questions. Where would our marriages be if we did not live together under the same roof; if we did not share all our goods and finances with one another; if we did not eat together day by day; if we did not share together in the education of our children? We are told that marriages where commitment, communication and cohesion are lacking are liable to end in divorce. We want to share our experience of all these wonderful things with our churches, because we fear that if our churches do not follow our example, the ecumenical movement could end in divorce.¹⁵

1. Interchurch Families, a journal of the Association of Interchurch Families of England, is published twice a year. It discusses the theological and pastoral issues raised by the existence of interchurch families. It is available from the Association of Interchurch Families, Inter-Church House, 35-41 Lower Marsh, London, SE1 7RL, England.
   
2. www.aifw.org/aif/index.htm.
   
3. aifw@iList.net with subscription information available at www.aifw.org/ aif/caif/listserv.htm.
   
4. Catholic Bishops' Conferences of England and Wales, Ireland, and Scotland, One Bread, One Body (London and Dublin: Catholic Truth Society and Veritas Publications, 1998). See the review of this document by Richard E. McCarron in The Living Light 36:1 (1999): 84-85.
   
5. The conference is planned for August 2-6, 2001. Information is available at www.aifw.org/aif/confer/caif/edmonton.htm.
   
6. Cf. Association of Interchurch Families, "Churches Together in England," Interchurch Families 5:1 (January 1997). Cf. the Interchurch Families website at www.aifw.org/aif/journal/martin.htm.
   
7. John Paul II, in an address to interchurch families, York, England, 1982.
   
8. Unless otherwise indicated, all statistics are taken from Center for Marriage and Family, Creighton University, Ministry to Interchurch Families: A National Study (Omaha, Neb.: Center for Marriage and Family, 1999), 139.
   
9. Ibid., 4.
   
10. For more information, contact the American Association of Interchurch Families, c/o Michael & Barbara Slater, 14851 Harper St., Midway City, CA 92655-1382; phone: (714) 893-6482; e-mail: slaterbm@aol.com; website: www.aifw.org/aif/aaif/index.htm.
    
11. Cf. Fr. Gerald Arbuckle, Earthing the Gospel: An Inculturation Handbook for Pastoral Workers (Maryknoll, N.Y.: Orbis, 1990) and Refounding the Church: Dissent for Leadership (Maryknoll, N.Y.: Orbis, 1993).
    
12. G. H. Tavard, "Reassessing the Reformation," One in Christ 19 (1983): 360-361.
    
13. The adapted RCIA acquired the force of law for the dioceses of the United States on September 1, 1988, and has since been the only adult initiation ritual that may be used licitly in the Latin rite territories of the National Conference of Catholic Bishops.
    
14. Southern African Bishops' Conference, Directory On Ecumenism for Southern Africa, 6.3.4, January 1998.
    
15. Rev. Canon Martin Reardon is a priest of the Anglican church in England and is married to a Catholic. He spoke at the International Conference of the Association of Interchurch Families, held in Geneva in 1998. The full text of his address can be found on the Association of Interchurch Families website, www.aifw.org/aif/confer/geneva/martingb.

1. www.aifw.org/aif/resource/biblio.html is by Dr. Michael Lawler, director of the Center for Marriage and Family, Creighton University, Omaha, Neb.
   
2. www.aifw.org/aif/resource/biblio2.htm is by Amy Jill Strickland, J.C.L., doctoral candidate, canon law, Leuven, Belgium.

Planning Interfaith Weddings

[This article, Planning Interfaith Weddings by Gordon Truitt, is from The Living Light Spring 2000, Vol. 36, No. 3. Subscribe to The Living Light.]

Despite the long-standing preference of the Church—based on its view of marriage as a sacrament—that Catholic should marry Catholic (or, at least, another baptized person), interfaith marriage (marriage between a Catholic and an unbaptized person) has become an increasingly common phenomenon in many parts of the United States.

1. The second typical edition of the marriage rite (Ordo Celebrandi Matrimonium) has not yet appeared in an English or Spanish translation for use in the United States, but the Latin text extends the possible changes even further, omitting (as the 1969 rite did not) an invocation of the Trinity at the blessing of rings.

1. Joan C. Hawxhurst, ed., Interfaith Wedding Ceremonies: Samples and Sources (Kalamazoo, Mich.: Dovetail Publishing, 1997). This practical resource for Jewish-Christian weddings, written by a practicing United Methodist married to a practicing Jew, contains sample ceremonies, including one officiated by a priest and a Jewish scholar and another with a priest and a rabbi.
   
2. Abraham Klausner, Weddings: A Complete Guide to All Religious and Interfaith Marriage Services(Columbus, Ohio: Alpha Publishing, 1986). While more comprehensive than the Hawxhurst text, this book is almost ten years older and is currently out of print.
   
3. Devon A. Lerner, Celebrating Interfaith Marriages: Creating Your Jewish/Christian Ceremony (New York: Owl Books, 1999). Written by a rabbi, this book also includes sample ceremonies between Jewish and Christian partners as well as practical suggestions.
   
4. Swidler, Arlene Anderson, ed., Marriage among the Religions of the World, Religions in Dialogue, vol. 2 (Toronto: Edwin Mellen Press, 1990). A scholarly survey, this work could provide valuable background information.

1. The Dovetail Publishing site lists books about interfaith weddings: www.mich.com/~dovetail/IWC.html.
   
2. A site with a help section entitled "Help, I'm a wedding guest" is offered at www.weddingbells.com. It also offers brief explanations of ceremonies in various traditions.
   
3. The Wedding Central Book and Music Store includes bibliographies of books about interfaith weddings and recorded collections of wedding music (though most of the music is not helpful for interfaith weddings involving Catholics): www.weddingcentral.com.

>Forgiveness and Reconciliation
in Marriage

(This article, Forgiveness and Reconciliation in Marriage by Mario Barbero, is taken from The Living Light Spring 2000, Vol. 36, No. 3. Subscribe to The Living Light.]

...I have always found it significant that the longest section of the Gospel of Matthew in the so-called "discourse on church order" (Mt 18) presents Jesus' teaching on the Church as centering on forgiveness. There Jesus answers Peter's question, "Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him?" (Mt 18:21-35).

It is not just in the sacrament of penance that the Church's liturgy witnesses to the importance of forgiveness. The celebration of the eucharist opens with the penitential rite in which each participant in the liturgy confesses his or her sins. During the eucharistic prayer, the words of Jesus over the cup are repeated: "This is the cup of my blood, which will be shed . . . so that sins may be forgiven." In preparation for communion, the assembly prays the Our Father, asking God to "forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." The Church, in fact, is a community of those who have been reconciled in Christ and whose sins have been forgiven. The spirit and reality of the eucharistic community, which witnesses to Christ's love, can be seen within the framework of the sacrament of marriage. The biblical exhortation "do not let the sun set on your anger" (Eph 4:26) is particularly meaningful when addressed to a married couple: Can one sleep peacefully and joyfully with one's angry enemy? Is it possible to live together without hurting each other? A successful marriage is one in which the partners learn how to forgive each other; and when this happens, the couple experiences the grace of healing. This grace radiates to their children and creates an atmosphere of acceptance and cooperation. To live the vocation of a true Christian marriage, the couple needs to be formed and continually supported by an ongoing living community.

By their marriage vows, couples commit themselves to be true to each other "in good times and in bad." It is an accepted tenet that being a loving couple for life is not easy. Different personalities, backgrounds, family histories, approaches to life, needs, interests, and values need to be worked out with patience and understanding. The key to having patience and reaching understanding is for the couple to forgive each other daily. It takes a tremendous amount of time and continuous work. "The two will become one flesh" (Eph 5:31) is an exciting and demanding call for the married couple—a call that can be lived only with daily commitment. On this road to unity there are daily conflicts. People hurt each other.

Making Good Marriages Better

The experience of a Marriage Encounter weekend is a powerful tool whereby the Christian community helps couples become aware of the grace of their sacrament and discover, in a deeper way, the grace of their married life. Marriage Encounter (ME) was started in Spain by Fr. Gabriel Calvo in the early 1960s, and it spread later to Latin America, North America, and then all the continents. During a ME weekend, three couples and a priest share their experience of married life. Participants are asked to talk with their partner, discussing the various aspects of their married life using a method taught to them over the weekend. This intense "course in communication" often has an amazing impact on the lives of the couples, in many cases bringing about healing and reconciliation where before there was pain and remorse.

Resources for Family Peacemaking

(This excerpt is from the article Resources for Family Peacemaking, The Living Light Spring 2000, Vol. 36, No. 3. Subscribe to The Living Light.]

Why is it important that families be helped to be peacemakers? In their 1983 landmark pastoral letter The Challenge of Peace: God's Promise and Our Response, the U.S. Catholic bishops stated that "peacemaking is not an optional commitment. It is a requirement of our faith. We are called to be peacemakers, not by some movement of the moment, but by our Lord Jesus" (no. 333). Having thus challenged all Catholics, the bishops then affirmed the critical role of families and challenged them more specifically: "Your role, in our eyes, is unsurpassed by any other; the foundation of society is the family. We are conscious of the continuing sacrifices you make in the efforts to nurture the full human and spiritual growth of your children. Children hear the gospel message first from your lips. Parents who consciously discuss issues of justice in the home and who strive to help children solve conflicts through non-violent methods enable their children to grow up as peacemakers" (The Challenge of Peace, no. 306). Eleven years later, in their 1994 document Confronting a Culture of Violence: A Catholic Framework for Action, the bishops applied this call for peacemaking more explicitly to interpersonal, institutional, and cultural violence, and they continued to emphasize that a peacemaking ministry in the midst of a culture of violence is a family affair.

What can families do to teach their children peacemaking values and skills? In no. 306 of The Challenge of Peace, the bishops identify four ways that families can teach and practice peacemaking.

1. "Nurture the full human and spiritual growth of your children."
   
   
2. "Children hear the gospel message first from your lips."
   
   
3. "Consciously discuss issues of justice in the home."
   
   
4. "Help children solve conflicts through non-violent methods."